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LNDY
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Location: California, United States
Birthday: 3/25/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Playing video games, reading, and hanging out with friends.
Expertise: Video gaming and reading.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  zzLindyzz
Member Since:
7/22/2003
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| Where You’re Suppose to Be
Thinking about the past
About how time moves too fast
Reminiscing about a younger age
Flipping through the memories, page by page
Remember back in elementary/middle/high school
When life seemed ironic/ridiculous/cruel
When you thought that you had it all together
Even though there was no weather that you had weathered
(like a storm)
When you were the captain of your ship
Ready to brave any wave, sea, or dip
With a crew to call your own
Available by messanger or phone
You made plans, had ideas of where you’d be now
Maybe those plans went foul.
Do you like where you are?
Do you give yourself a gold star?
Maybe a pat on the back
For a life that’s on track.
Maybe nothing turned out the way you expected
As you sit here and reflected
About a world of possibilities
That you, in reality, would never see.
Do you like who you’ve become?
Even a little bit? A lot? Or some?
Do you wish you were someone else?
Anyone but yourself?
Have you earned your own respect?
For your journey, for your trek?
Are you proud of what you’ve done?
Have you accomplished a lot ? or some?
If you answered all yes, all nos
Some yes, some nos
Perhaps, maybes, and so-sos
Don’t fret, fright, or worry
Don’t runaway or scurry
Just be patient and be calm
Wipe your forehead with your palm
As your journey has not yet ended
Even if you are not where you intended
You are where youre suppose to be
Even though now you may not see
Understand, believe, or comprehend
How this ever present present day are the days to how your nights end
Working that 9-5 day in and day out
Watching your kids play about
However you spend your every day
Did you think you’d spend every of them this way?
Did you think you’d be out every night
That happy hour was a right?
That after a long day at a desk
You’d have permission to relax and rest?
I kind of did.
I thought I would speak five languages by the age of 22
But at that age, I did nothing new.
I was the same old me when I was 16
Except I graduated from a school that was kind of pristine.
Kinda.
And soon I will be older
Without a manual, binder, or folder
To help me train, learn, and master
How to master a disaster
(CODE BLUE!)
And disasters we have lots
Conflicts, battles, wars fought
However big, however small
All our fights, we fight them all
To the best of our ability
And amass character points aplenty.
And what about knowledge and education?
Are you an expert at your vocation?
At a quarter of a century old,
Have you learned a quarter of what youre suppose to know?
Ive learned a lot of chemistry, physics, and math
But have forgotten almost all I’ve learned in class.
Besides, most of what I’ve learned at the university
No longer applies to my current adversities
And how about you, you, and you?
Are you married with a kid? Maybe 2?
Are you still in college, trying to earn a degree
Had you taken a year off? Maybe 3?
Or did you go without a stop?
Blazed through with a jump, skip, and a hop.
Wherever you are, whatever you see
You are suppose to be, where youre suppose to be
And if you don’t like where you are right now
Change it. Here’s how.
Think of a plan, be serious, work hard
Because the future is not far
And the next time for relaxation
Can be the next time youre on vacation
Don’t let life breeze you by
Because one day, we’re all gonna die
So go no! Don’t wait!
Because by that time, it’ll be too late.
And I know that sounds like fantasy
Not applicable to reality
As there are too many intracacies
That demand attention and assiduities.
And who am I to tell you what to do?
How to live your life or be you
Maybe I should follow my own advice
And not settle for what suffice
But this is about a way we be
And not necessarily really about me.
It’s just a friendly reminder
That perhaps could’ve been kinder
To remind you that you are still in control of the steer
To navigate the unknown that’s near.
And you can still plot a course
Pleasantly or by force
To get where you want to go
However fast or ever slow
To be where you want to be
Physically or mentally.
This is getting long and boring, so I will now bid you adieu
To do what it is that you do
And say “Good luck, old friend!”
“May your means justify your end.” | | |
| Last night, I dreamt that I was marrying myself.
I wonder what that means. | | |
| Just watched Julie and Julia and it reminded me about how untouched my Xanga has been. I log in almost every single day and read various entries. I just don't post. But I will, some day soon. Not that anyone's waiting. Let's get real, heh.
Went to see model homes today. A model home. Just one. Amazing master closet and shower. Nice starter home. It gave me a glimpse of my possible future, and the future looks BRIGHT!.
Hopefully, someday all this schooling will be worth it. | | |
| It has been a very long while. Longer than usual. It’s been a very busy last few months, full of studying and other stuff.
Since the last time, I’ve moved into a two-story townhouse, taken my boards, started and about to finish my first month of rotations, and saw the best band ever in the whole entire world, Depeche Mode, in concert.
My master bedroom is pretty cool. It’s the largest room I’ve ever had and it’s constantly messy despite my efforts to keep it presentable.
Working, or “working,” I should say, is interesting. I’m use to being in the classroom for the past twenty years. I did work all 4 years in college, but that’s a different type of work. That was a fun kind of work (not that this is NOT fun). A, not mindless type of work, but a repetitive type of work that I really like because when you do something over and over and over again, you become rather good at it and I like being good. Not that I’m not good at what I’m doing now and thinking and whatnot. Anyways. This working business is accompanied by a sort of FATIGUE I’m not accustomed to. One time in college, I took 20+ units one quarter and I had 14, 15 hour days with ONE break for food the whole day and I still didn’t get as tired as I do now nor did I ever take a nap. There was no time for naps. That turned out to be my best academic quarter.
This is different. I take a nap almost every single day when I get home and I usually get back at 3pm after starting grand rounds at 8am. I also fall asleep BEFORE 10 most of the time, which is strictly unheard of. The last time I went to sleep regularly at 10pm was high school; 11 pm if it was a Tuesday and SVU was on.
Last night, I decided that I would be a productive member of society today. Yesterday was spent at the hospital, playing video games when I got back for 4 or 5 hours, going to Borders to read, having friends over for cream puffs, and video gaming some more. It felt unproductive career/academic-wise. I did buy an academic book though. Anyways, the point of this paragraph is to state that I mistakenly thought I was having an unproductive day yesterday. The majority of yesterday was spent in the NICU (where I’m rotating at Sunrise Children’s Hospital in Las Vegas) looking up charts, lab results, following my patient’s/baby’s progression, writing and reading progress notes, presenting to my attending, learning about Ballard Scaling, and ordering labs and writing orders to be carried out by senior nurses much older than I.
I spent the day doing the same, but I guess I won’t be playing video games today. Boo hoo. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be one of those serious but laid back type of docs with the childish quirks.
So I started this piece when people started moving around for school or work or moving home, etc. Lots of people moved. My family moved to Anaheim. Linda and I moved into a townhouse. My brother, Brian, moved to Mira Loma. Eileen moved to CA. Anthony moved home. Stephanie moved back from Egypt. Quinn moved next door. Tran moved for school. Cyndi moved in with her sister. Mimi moved into a house. Mikaela moved in with Mimi. You can see how people were “transient.” Nevada is a transient state, as well.
Transient State
Feelings are fleeting in this transient state
Moving around, all over town
To a new city, country, or state
Or maybe just down the street
Down the block a few feet
To your new place
Your new pad
Or back home to your mother and your dad
Feelings are fleeting in this transient state
As transient and less predictable than the flavors on your plate
Will you try something new or stick with what you know
Whatever it is
Its good to try new things
And give new things a go
For if you never try new things
You would never understand
That you can make life less fleeitng
By sticking with that you had.
More fleeting than stable is the brain
Is the heart
It cant conform or decide
And ends its beginnings
Before its beginnings even start
“Make up your mind,” says your brain to your heart.
Feelings are fleeting in this transient state
One day your love
The next day you hate
Its easy to get confused
Befuddled and amused
As there are no rules for playing this game
And winning and losing become one and the same.
You win now, only to discover later
That you had lost the one thing in your favor
Blame it on our transient stage,
Our age that refuses to let us make informed decisions
And form relationships based on accuracies and precision
Leading to less and less fusion
And greatly more fission
What is transient you ask?
Many things that wear a 4 year “permanent” mask
Including location, location, location
Love, feelings, and vocation
Nothing seems permanent anymore
As we often change the things that we adore
Maybe someday you’ll stop
And stay in one spot
And hopefully by then, you’ll find yourself a friend
A Piazza to your Nomo
A Cowboy for your Romo
An Eeyore to your Pooh
A Jager to your Mario Lemiux
When you finally create a place of your own
Catering to the seeds that you have sown
Remember one thing
That transient or not
Any state is better than the state of being alone.
Of course, it’s not strictly about moving around. Its kind of about how our young age refuses to let us make concrete “moves” of any sort. Maybe it’s just me. Sometimes, I’m deathly indecisive and I’ve talked myself out of many moves, as we all do. Feelings are fleeting in the sense that we “calculate.” We calculate how we should feel or what we should do. We just don’t do, what we feel.
Meh. Anyways. I just went against my rule of explaining. Take from it what you will.
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| 16 ounces of 7-11 coffee, along with 5 creams and 4 sugars, does what a Starbucks Venti White Chocolate Mocha or 2 Redbulls fail to do time and time again. Keep me up. 7-11, no frills or thrills, but does the job. I like. I have a slurpee almost every day.
For the month of May, my erase-able wall calendar looks like this:
Week 1: Midterm, quiz (2)
Week 2: quiz, Shelf Exam, Practical (3)
Week 3: Exam 2x, Exam, Exam, Exam, Exam, Practical, Exam (8)
Woo is me. The truth is is that I highly enjoy learning. Learning is fun. What I don’t like are tests/quizzes/exams/practicals. I despise them all equally. I like practicals with patients though.
So, I lost my 8gb hard drive the other week. Luckily, a classmate found it and returned to me. Unfortunately, I lost it again that night and this time, no classmate has returned it to me. I am quite careless with my things. When Matthew visited the other week, he was constantly pulling out the plugs in my USB port. He especially liked the USB thing for my wireless mouse. I remember taking the USB thing (because I don’t know what the correct term is) and putting it somewhere thinking, “I better hide this so he doesn’t get it. It’s very important.” Unfortunately, I must’ve hid it very well, because I cannot find my all important USB thing for my wireless mouse, making the mice pretty to look at still, but virtually useless.
Currently, I am also missing my favorite watch and my school ID.
My new white Incase slider for my iPhone has a crack in it. I dropped it on the cement the moment I took it out of the box.
My car is out of gas and running on reserve, which I absolutely hate.
Nothing much has been going on but school, of course. I have no time for anything else really. Well, my team and I did win a game of Cranium Turbo at a friend’s birthday house party. That was an awesome night. I had a lot of fun. We should do some Taboo next. But yeah, school. For the past couple of months, I’ve been spending the majority of my time there. I have my dinners at school. I take power naps there. The only times I’m not there is when I’m either at the gym, taking a shower, or sleeping. Other than that, I am at school. For the most part, that’s okay with me. I’d rather be there then in my apartment. I get bored here.
I’m about to enter my last round of block exams. Can’t believe it’s the last one. Bittersweet. Already had my last day of lecture. Bittersweet, as well. Why is life so bittersweet?
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